>07.12.04-07:56
Testing...testing long time no blog. Why in the world am i back you ask? Well its because of class. Where have i been? lol in the land of MMORG. Maybee back maybee not, either way see ya!
>07.12.04-07:56
Testing...testing long time no blog. Why in the world am i back you ask? Well its because of class. Where have i been? lol in the land of MMORG. Maybee back maybee not, either way see ya!
>04.30.03-22:54
Now lets see...where was i before so rudely interrupted by sleep. Ah yes, the door. So my journey through the great hall finally ended when I came upon this rather large round door. Now the door appeared to be made of some kind of wood but was the color of blue steel. It did not have the appearance of planks but looked liked a cross section from a tree. It was about 2 times the height of a man with no doorknob whatsoever. I knocked, but there was no answer. After waiting a few minutes I knocked again, and you wont believe this. My lungs just quit working, my breath held almost unnaturally in anticipation when much to my amazement, still no answer. I pressed my ear to the door, hoping to hear something from the other side. I heard nothing. I pressed my palms firmly against the door, gave a push, and it opened up with not the slightest sound. Darkness was all to be seen on the other side, as a cold, stale, salty breeze from within seemed to dance softly around me. Awe was the only sensation I remember. As my eyes grew accustomed to the lack of light I noticed in the emptiness a stairway heading down. Should I continue on or turn back forever enjoying the joy and peace of the great hallway as well as the safety it seemed to offer. I made my decision, to take that journey into the deep place where instinctively I knew most dare not go. As once again I held my breath, my heart beat quickly like a loud drum in my ears, and took that step. I still remember standing with one foot on either side of journeys threshold thinking nothing. Just anticipating the worst, being overwhelmed by fear and the sudden realization I was alone. The darkness�the coolness�the beating of my own heart�..stuck standing still�.then the voice, I heard it softly saying �you will be ok�, and so I did it. I picked up my foot still standing in the great hallway and stepped through the door. Completely. Then to my utter despair, the door slowly closed. I stood watching, couldn�t move an inch, and it was like watching an eclipse. Like a beautiful bright light just slowly being eaten by the dark. A Small sliver of silvery wonder still shone threw a few seconds then with a barely audible click����..nothing�����just dark����just silence����..nothing.
>04.28.03-00:08
It has been many a day since my last entry. Now for the update.
I was sent to an institution. Can u believe it?? so as not to get in trouble i wont say the name. So it all begins in a little state called Texas, on a little lake called Caddo, at one of many "houses" on the pre stated lake. So i show up there and they put me in the girl�s room (fyi i am a guy), and assign me to the top bunk of a bed in a room with about 10 other bunk beds. It is actually a nice room. About 15 feet by 20 feet, the walls painted a slightly different shade of lavender and the ceiling was a faded yellow. There were a few plants on the walls, and a skylight above each bunk. Its about 9:45 or so they say (they don�t let us wear a watch on "grounds". So mandatory lights out is at 11pm and i am freaking. I am in a room with about 18 girls, all of which are starting to get ready for bed. Do not get me wrong i love girls, i have all my life and i do not think that will change anytime soon, but come on this just isn�t right. So i voice my opinion to the "assigned friend" Lucy and she just says "what honey what, i am your friend you can tell me anything" i say to her something like look at me i am a guy i cant sleep here with all these girls .......ok side note cause i know all you guys reading this are thinking "man what a dumbass" but really have you ever actually been put in a situation where you were going to be stuck with 18 psycho girls in a room all night, craps i am such a dumbass, anyways back to the point, man i am a dumbass........ Anyways so Lucy says ok wait here, get your bag ready, i was trying to help you out but your going to sleep with the boys. So i think cool jump out of my bunk bed wave to Aimee W who is getting in bead wearing a pantsuit, then blow a kiss to some cute naked redhead and start looking for my bag. Ok now it starts getting weird. I am looking for my bag in a Porsche parked at the end of one of the bunk beds i remember hey its probably still in the back of the pick up, so i walk over to the end of another bunk bed, and pull my bag out of the pickup bed just as my new "assigned friend�, Anangelman, knocks on the door sticks his head in and asks me to follow. So i throw my backpack over my shoulder and head out on my journey down a long hall. Now this hallway was long, maybe 8 or 9 football field. The walls were painted a deep red, the ceiling was a mural of a sky with dogs, fire hydrants and doggy bones just floating around (have u ever seen that before lol). Now the floor was made of grass freshly cut, which you could smell. There were little orange-brown walking stones cut into perfect crosses, laid out one after another. I realized i wasn�t wearing shoes, which is normally the case, and began to enjoy the cool smooth surface of the stones on my bare feet. I caught myself wishing the path would go on forever, and the walls seemed to open up, and the sky to come alive. After a while the walls disappeared altogether and the ceiling became a wondrous light show of shooting stars and planets set against a canvas of mixed blues. Not the kind of sky you see in city but the kind you only get a glimpse of when you are out in the middle of nowhere. A mix of honeysuckle and fresh cut grass was in the air. The light from the sky lit the crosses beneath my feet most majestically as they glowed like embers in a dying fire, and it seemed to make each blade of grass glow with a light of its very own. I happened to look up and noticed we were drawing close to a rather large round door at the end of the hall, and looked back and saw only open fields beneath a starlit sky. My "assigned friend" Anangelman was no where to be seen. I just wanted to stay in the field, on the crosses which to my amazement seemed to be getting warmer as the air drew cold around me. A soothing warmth on my feet that somehow kept me beyond content as cool breezes blew against my bare arms and back sending shivers through my upper body and bringing on a sudden case of the Goosebumps. I ran my hands gently over the Goosebumps, ah so exhilarating, next time you get some try it............Anyway my journey through the hall finally ended as i came upon this large round door.........
...Ohh its so late i must sleep i will continue tomorrow, Good night and God bless.
>04.18.03-22:04
Good Friday...Hmm cant get my mind to stop screaming. I seemed to be running from thing to thing all day. Late to Work. Late to meet a friend. Late to carry carry sticks through the Park. Now To Late for Love(random disregard the last Late, LOL or maybee not)Jesus. I realy want my center to be in Jesus...but fight so hard against it. Maybee the problem is i dont want it enough, or dont Trust God enough, or just get caught up in life to much..Hell i dont know what i want lol. Well i do know i want my mind to stop screaming, usually i can sit quiet for hours just listening, being still, and taking a meandering mind walk of joy and hapiness. Usually its one of my favorite things to do..ahh well maybee tomorow:)
>04.17.03-14:17
Soooo Tired. Cant sleep :(
Worked, need a new hobie /sigh.
Listening to Some Delerious and wondering why i dont write/keep my own stuff. God is good to me. I am soooo Tired. The Sun is shining in the window, maybe i should spend some time outside for a bit. /smile
>2003-04-16-12:08 p.m.
Pondering the thought of visiting the English this summer,need to figure out there E-mail adress, or maybee i should just take some spelling lessons.
>2003-04-15-2:36 p.m.
The sun was setting and i was there.
Downtown was bathed in blood red light.
The city spanned the open-ness of eyesight.
Jagged Buildings silhoutte against the crimson light.
I saw you standing in shadows darkness.
Swallowed up beneath the iron forest.
You started moving and i swore it was an angel.
Pushing back against the stain of a still dying light.
Like a statue i stood motionless with wonder.
As you disappeared from my life forever.
Were you an angel i saw for that brief moment?
Or a beautiful woman seen walking life's glorious canvas
>2003-04-10-3:44 p.m.
Headaches Suck.
>2003-04-09-4:35 p.m.
Prostitution is illeagal but pimping aint.
niether is glamerous. I do admit both can bring in a decent cash flow but i honestly sugest you stay away from both lines of work.
>2003-04-06-11:42 p.m.
being as my roomate is sleeping in his cage i have the urge to poke him with a sharp stick. Usually i would go for it but hey maybee its time to turn over a new leaf.
>2003-03-21-8:39 p.m.
Should i Hang out with others or lock myself away for the evening. hmmm...How much should i even share on this thing. FYI it aint about depression its about Community. When does choosing to spend time alone playing video games or something else that takes your mind off of real life, instead of spending time with real peeps, become unhealthy? Is it ok to want to do things that have no practical or tangable results? I think its alright but where do i draw the line. HEHE anyways just my thoughts. Just whats goin through my head. i am sure the answer depends on the person. :)Ohhh by the way I like most foods with lots of cheese..:)
>2003-03-20-11:49 p.m.
Hey do peeps actual read the garble i am going to write in here(HMMM)..craps did i type that outloud.....I have no idea what to write much less which keys to punch. :) Its a good thing i dont care what you think...Well i care what you think, i meant your neighbor. Today the set up tomorow the begining of a new...um....er...Begining. Ahh well Seee Ya.
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